nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
