tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
