He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
