and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
