dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
