You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
