If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
