U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
