Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

i think i have two assholes

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(330): i think i have two assholes http://tfl.nu/b4sn

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(419): View more from Ohio

having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work

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(419): having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work http://tfl.nu/n6gj

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(813): View more from Florida

I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.

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(813): I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came. http://tfl.nu/sa7y

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(561): View more from Florida

My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.

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(561): My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night. http://tfl.nu/9nah

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across

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(918): Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across http://tfl.nu/uhsj

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(602): View more from Arizona

Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...

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(602): Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship... http://tfl.nu/dw4u

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(727): View more from Florida

There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.

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(727): There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though. http://tfl.nu/m08y

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(330): View more from Ohio

we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.

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(330): we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it. http://tfl.nu/vxbj

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.

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(717): You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/k5p0

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(415): View more from California

Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.

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(415): Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit. http://tfl.nu/wqn3

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(541): View more from Oregon

Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!

(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I want to be you.

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(541): Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!! (306): I want to be you. http://tfl.nu/x9vb

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(847): View more from Illinois

Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?

(262): View more from Wisconsin

Do you want cuervo gold or silver?

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(847): Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight? (262): Do you want cuervo gold or silver? http://tfl.nu/7twk

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.

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(832): You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life. http://tfl.nu/rg4t

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(908): View more from New Jersey

There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.

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(908): There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great. http://tfl.nu/ao5x

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.

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(832): And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking. http://tfl.nu/dun3

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