is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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