i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
