That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
