Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
