I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
