I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
