we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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