Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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