OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
