You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
