I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
