so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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