i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
