I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
