smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
