I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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