i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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