It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
