He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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