On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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