yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize