I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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