i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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