Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
