around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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