pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize