I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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