giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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