It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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