i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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