I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
