i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
