i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
