I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
