Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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