I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
