You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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