look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
