You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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