His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
