Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
