Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
