I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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