plz talk dirty to me
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
