So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I'm really busy with my period
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