My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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