I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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