I heard we made out
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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