So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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