in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
