Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
