in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my shit smells like andre
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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