i think my tv is drunk
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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