Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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