Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
They took my balls.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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