I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
