I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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