Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
