Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
