So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I forget how to act sober
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
