Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize