I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
