i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
