My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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