The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
