Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
