you would pick up someone in the library
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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