she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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