I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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