I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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