): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
