The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.