arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever