He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
