Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
