I smell stomach acid.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar