Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
