This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
