True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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